Rationalization

Justification

Minimization

Excuse-making

Refusal

...a mother's story about taking her three-year-old daughter to visit an elderly neighbor.  'She likes going over there because he buys her toys. Plus, he gives her a dollar if she'll kiss him. This worried me at first, but now I think he's just lonely [rationalization). In any case, my little girl doesn't discourage it so he probably assumes she wants to be kissed [justification]. And they're just kisses, after all [minimization]. He probably doesn't know better [excuse-making]. Anyway, I'm not going to live being suspicious of everyone [refusal].'

We minimize only that which looms large, and the fact that we make an excuse for someone's behavior is 'a sure sign that we perceive something wrong with the behavior.'

...Jane asked, 'Your sitter's a good driver, right?' The very fact that the question came into her head meant she had reasons to consider the topic...When we ask questions that have only one possible answer, they really aren't questions at all -- they are requests for reassurance. In effect, Jane was asking Sally to aid in her denial. On hearing the obvious answer ('Our sitter is a very safe driver'), Jane explained away her concern: 'That's good news because I thought I saw her driving too fast one day, but I'm a terrible judge of speed [rationalization]. I know sometimes you've got to rush just to be on time [justification] and since the kids always wear seat belts, they're safe [minimization]. Anyway, we all speed sometimes [excuse-making], so I'm not going to judge her [refusal].'

From the book Protecting the Gift