A man met a beautiful girl, and she agreed to spend the night with him for $500.

"Dear Sir: First of all, I cannot understand how you expect such a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please don't blame the landlord."

A few housewives were sitting around the table talking, and the subject turned to their husbands.

One lady said "My husband just won't go to church with me, I think he's going to go to hell."

This led to talk around the table and it was generally agreed that, for one reason or another, all the husbands were going to end up in hell.

So, then the housewives started speculating about themselves. One woman said "I try to be good - I'm sure I'll make it to Heaven."

Another one said "No, I did this bad thing, I won't make it."

So, then they noticed that one of the ladies wasn't saying anything. And they looked at her and said "You're such a nice lady, surely you're going to Heaven...?"

The redhead says "No, first thing in the morning, I'm going to buy me a ticket straight to hell!"

They were shocked and asked why.

"Well, you don't expect me to live in a world without men, do you??!?"

A young couple drove several miles down a country road, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument, and neither wanted to concede their position. As they passed a barnyard of mules and pigs,
the husband sarcastically asked,
"Are they relatives of yours?" "Yes," the redhead replied. "I married into the family."